*Warning: May contain WAY more information that you EVER wanted to know!*
Well, Last week my heart rate started to go up. I finally called the Dr about it on Monday and when I got to his office, my heart rate was 147 and my blood pressure was also quite high. The Dr I saw was not my regular OB because my Dr was out of the office. This Dr who I like to call "the big jerk Dr" told me that the problem was caused by my Picc-line. He also told me that morning sickness is something that is in your head and if I got up and moved around once in a while, I would feel better. He told me that taking the line out might make me feel a little sick but that I have a little extra weight that I couldn't hurt to lose. So they took my line out, and I began feeling sick.
Since Monday I haven't been able to eat anything. I have had a little juice and some soda both of which have come back up. I got in to see my Dr today and had to have my Dad drive me there as I am super shaking and having some blurred vision. I found out that (not surprisingly) I have lost 10 pounds since seeing the big jerk Dr on Monday. My heart rate and blood pressure are still high but going down. My Dr said he doesn't think it's a good idea to put another PICC in. So, he gave me a prescription for some different anti-nausea meds. If they don't work, we are looking at being hospitalized or having a nurse come in everyday to give me fluids.
Today I am feeling pretty frustrated and very alone. I posted on Facebook asking if anyone has any suggestions. I have tried so many thing and am currently considering acupuncture. Most people have responded telling me things that I have already tried. One post though really stuck out to me. A women I knew in a ward we used to live in told me to focus on the prize at the end. She talked about the beautiful blessing growing inside me and what a gift it is once it comes out.
So I thought for a moment about all the blessings and gifts of having a new baby. When I had Benjamin, it was si easy for me to think about holding my baby and kissing those warm cheeks. But for some reason this time all I can think about is, waking up at 3am to feed them, colic, teething, diaper rash, ear infections, etc. I think I might be the worst human being on the planet. I am so selfish that I can't even be happy about having a baby.