Parenting

I have been really struggling with Benjamin lately. I really hate the idea of spanking my kids. I have asked several people and done lots of research to find any help or ideas for parenting without hitting. This is really hard for us as Josh and I were both raised in families where physical punishment was used A LOT and we both feel that it does much more harm than good.

I heard about Love and Logic from a couple different people. Both of them told me that it hadn't worked for them and that the ideas and suggestions therein are unrealistic and never work.

I bought this book and began, very sceptically, reading it. I thought as I read the stories that it would never work. It seemed so unrealistic to think that MY kid could ever behave as well as the ones in this book.

I have been SO surprised. Today at lunch:
 I gave Benjamin 2 choices for what he would like to eat, he said, "NOTHING!" So I said, "Ok, I will choose." I put it on  a plate and set it on the table. I sat and quietly ate my lunch. I didn't respond to his whining, "I didn't want this lunch...I wanted the orange plate...I wanted to sit in that chair..." When I finished eating I went and got a piece of candy out of the bowl on top of the fridge. I said, very calmly, "I think I'm going to have a treat because I ate all of my lunch." Benjamin looked up from his whining and said, "I didn't eat my lunch...I was just complaining."  
MY KID said that! It wasn't some random story in a book, it really happened.

I also really like that many of the things suggested are things that I already do. Like letting him make a mistake and then talking about the natural consequences of that mistake.

For example, Yesterday:
Instead of telling him over and over to not climb on the back of the couch, I said, one time, "If you climb up there like that, you could fall and get hurt." I them walked away. A minute later he came to me crying. I asked him what happened and he said, "I fell off the couch." "Oh, are you okay?" "I think my head is hurt-ed" "Hmm why did you fall off the couch?" "'cause I was climbing on the back and not sitting right...I think that was not a very good choice." 
Again, MY KID SAID THAT!

I could go on forever giving examples but I won't.  I also, I read this Love and Logic book and didn't like it very much. It has many of the same suggestions as the early childhood one but is much harder to read and contains a lot of Bible references and gets a bit preachy.

I can see where some of the suggestions in the Early Childhood book wouldn't work for us. I can also see where some things that really work for us wouldn't work for other families. I think finding parenting advise that works for your individual family is a lot like finding a diet plan that works for you. Every individual is different and has a different lifestyle that will work, or not work, with any giving diet plan. This is also true with parenting. I have read many books, asked many people and spent countless hours in prayer and fasting and have finally found something that works for us. Life at our house has become SO MUCH better. We are ALL so much happier. And, best of all, I can't even remember the last time we had to even threaten a spanking!