Saturday, September 8, 2012

Funeral plans

A baby that dies after 20 weeks gestation is termed a "still-birth" and not a miscarriage. The body of a still-born baby has to be either buried or cremated. So we had the hospital contact Myers Mortuary in Brigham because we had worked with them before. And because the term "Hospital Disposal" (our other option) sounds just awful.

We met with the Mortuary people yesterday to discuss what we want to do. In this situation, the mortuary does almost everything for free. The guy we were talking with was great. He told us about different things other families have done and tried to help us make some decisions. He asked lots of questions about the service:
-How many would attend the service?
-How many speakers?
-Who would officiate?
-Would there be a viewing?
-Casket open or closed?
-Obituary?--Which paper?
-Do we want to play a DVD with pictures?

As I sat there answering the questions I started to wonder if I really want all of this. Was I just doing it because the pamphlets from the hospital said I should? Josh and I talked a lot on the way home. Turns out, he was having the same thoughts but hadn't said anything because he thought I wanted/needed to have a big funeral service in order to heal.

We have decided to have the body cremated because the decision of what to do with the body has to be made within a certain amount of time. Everything else can wait.

Right now, we are thinking that we will have a small dinner at our house. I'm really not up to that right now but I think in the next little while I will feel a need to spend some time with my closest friends and family. Benjamin thinks it would be nice to have a balloon release where we can write messages to Nathan, tie them to balloons, and let them go. I was also thinking it might be nice to have everyone bring a square of fabric that I can make into a special quilt.

Anyway, I just wanted to let everyone know what is going on. I am really not trying to shut people out or hide from the world. Please don't be upset with me if I don't answer the phone or return calls right away. I will get there. Please be patient with me as I heal.


  1. Wow! Those are some tough decisions. I like the balloon release and the quilt block ideas. I imagine everyone heals in their own time and way so do whatever you feel is best. Prayers still coming your way.

  2. I am glad you and Josh felt the same and decided together what was best for your family. Catie, you shouldn't apologize for not getting back to everyone right now. You have just been through one of the toughest things. It is normal to take time for yourself and be with your own little family. Everyone does heal different and some take longer than others. Take the time you need and talk when you are ready. Hopefully, people understand! Just remember you are loved and cared about. I love the balloon release idea.

  3. I love the balloon release idea! I can't imagine having to make any decisions during such a difficult time. I know Heavenly Father has already guided you and will continue to do so. You're in my prayers!