Going from "Full-Time-Mom" to "Working-Mom" is not like going from full-time to part-time. You still are a full-time mom, you just add in the working part. I worry about and miss my kids every second that I'm gone.
Someone told me once that becoming a mother is like having a part of you ripped off. It's like you always have this feeling that some part of you is no longer part of you...like you can no longer control that part of you.
After my first day of actually working, I feel very overwhelmed and under-qualified.
Yesterday I worked at a facility for women who have alcohol and drug addictions. The program is called F.I.R.S.T. (Families In Rehab Staying Together). It was a HUGE culture-shock. All those women talking about DUI's, Parol Officers, and fighting to keep, or get back, their kids.
Somehow, putting names and faces to this situation makes me realize how judgmental I have been. I found myself looking at a beautiful baby boy with red hair and freckles who obviously is suffering from Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. My first thought was, why? Why does she get to have a baby and I don't?
As I talked with the baby's mother and discussed several things she has been through and how having this baby made her realize she needed help. She has been clean and sober since she found out she was pregnant.
She asked me several questions about reflux, diaper rash, and teething. I answered all her questions and as I became overwhelmed with the spirit I discovered the answer to my question. If Nathan hadn't died, I wouldn't have been looking for a job. I wouldn't have been at that facility talking to that client at that time. I also, probably, wouldn't have felt drawn to that baby boy. I wouldn't have sat next to that mom and started a conversation about red-headed babies.
I am so glad that God is in control, and that he knows what he's doing and, most of all, that he doesn't always take my advice.